It has been a really long time since I’ve blogged. There have been plenty of times where I think of doing it, but I just keep putting it off. But right now I can’t sleep. God is doing something in my heart tonight and I am working it out as we speak, but first I need to blog about this summer. 🙂
This summer I had an internship at the Zoo. It was a lot of fun. To answer an questions:
No, I didn’t get to touch a manatee.
No, I wasn’t a zookeeper.
No, I didn’t learn a whole lot.
Yes, I played with baby tigers.
No, I didn’t live at home. I stayed with my aunt in Columbus.
No, I don’t want to live in Columbus anymore when I grow up.
Yes, I learned a lot about myself this summer.
No, I don’t work there anymore.
It was a good experience. And if the chance arises In my future to work there, I might pursue it. But one thing I can say- I missed my job at the Naz a lot. I love the people i work with and I love what we do because I truly believe in MVNU. That’s all I want to say about the Zoo.:)
Now, onto what REALLY matters. This summer, I went to Stoutsville like I normally do. This year I only made it down for a week, but it was still just so great. And for the first time in a while, God wrecked my heart. In The good way- the kind of wreckage that can only be repaired by the best plastic surgeon- not McSteamy. One night during camp, one of the evangelist said the following words: “are you a follower of God or are you just a fan?
” He went on to explain that a common ailment in our church is that we tend to be a fan of God but that we lack the personal relationship that the faith requires. Man, that really took a toll on my heart. Because the person he was describing was me.
When I tell this story to friends now, I use the example of my 8-year-old self. When I was 8, I was NSYNC’s #1 fan. I knew all of their songs and could tell you random facts about them, like that Justin’s mom was the one who actually named their band, or that Lance was the bass singer in their group. I could tell you who wrote which songs and could recite each and every lyric to the songs and would imagine them singing those words to me. I was 8, and I was an NSYNC fanatic.
That’s how I was with God. I knew random facts about Him, like that He desires our praise and that He is merciful and I loved Him for that, but I wasn’t living in a relationship.
A relationship is defined as two or more separate entities working together in a give and take situation to create something. In my life, God was the one doing all the giving and I was more than obliged to do all the taking. Now don’t get me wrong; I thanked God for a lot, and I still prayed, but I wasn’t living in a communal relationship. I did All the talking, and He did all the giving. I made it all about me. But it’s not about me. At all.
That night, I went back to my cabin, completely broken. And it felt so good. I laid on my bed, broken in two, and let God do the mending to heal the brokenness. It’s an ongoing thing, this brokenness, but it feels so Good when God is the glue that holds the two pieces of you together.
One of the things I was convicted about during this was the Bible. I am awful at reading it. Don’t get me wrong: I know a lot of verses and can recall stories, but there’s a lot in that book that I have yet to discover. And I think I was just waiting for someone else to uncover all of the awesomeness of the Bible for me. That’s not fair. If I don’t read it, how can I expect God to speak to me through His word? I have a friend, Kendra, who I admire so much. She is in the Word multiple times a day and He uses that so much to bless others through her. I envy that. I always wanted the Lord to use me like that. But I expected Him to do it with the knowledge I already had. He doesn’t want that. He wants us to read His Word so that He can bless us and so that we can share that with those around us. It’s Hard to reach the world with the love of Christ if we haven’t done all we can to experience it ourselves.
I’ve been made new. My life has been changed. The old me is gone forever.
If you see me, ask me about it sometime. I’d love to share this with you.