GOD! YOU ARE SO GOOD.
This week, I’ve fallen in love. Again. And I can tell it’s a love that’s going to last. It isn’t a love that will leave me for someone “skinnier” or “more attractive.” It’s a love that is pursing me endlessly. I’ve realized just how much that’s effected me tonight in a skype conversation that I’ll share with you excerpts from.
[it started out with my friend saying something about how a guy I was once interested in is now talking to one of our friends and he wanted to make sure I was prepared in case anything came from it.]
My friend: does [this guy] know how you feel about him at all?
Abby Anderson: No, he doesn’t. But I don’t want to make a fool of myself at this point. And Honestly, I am just so happy where I am in my relationship with God that Idk if I want to be concerned with a guy right now.
My friend: thats a good attitude
Abby Anderson: I agree. I just think I’m so captivated by God right now that I don’t want to be distracted. I think when the right guy comes along, He’ll have to go THROUGH God to get to me.
My friend: what do you really mean by that?
Abby Anderson: I don’t even think I know haha. Maybe just that he’s praying for me like I’m praying for him…. and when God knows he’s the right person, HE will be the matchmaker.
My friend: i dont even know what to do sometimes. cuz i always pray if im interested in a girl and it literally never seems to work out. We just stay “friends”
Abby Anderson: Maybe it’s because you’re praying with expectations.
My friend: well its more of a, God i really like this girl, if its ment to be then it needs to work through you. if not then i dont want to have these feelings about her. and most of the time they just go away really quickly and everything is good.
Abby Anderson: My prayers more go along the lines of “God, I really don’t know what I should be feeling right now, so I need you to direct my emotions and guard my heart. If It’s meant to be, help me to trust that you know what you’re doing”.
My friend: yeah thats really good. but like with [the girl I recently liked] i would always give a prayer along the lines of, “God i really like this girl. i dont know if she is the right one for me for your will. if she is then let what needs to happen, happen and work through you.” and i pray about if its not then please dont let me struggle with these feelings but they still just dont seem to go away at all. i still look and her and [her boyfriend] and feel like crap.
Abby Anderson: I just feel like when I personally pray like that, I’m getting my hopes up that God’s going to do what I want Him to do, not what HE wants to do.
My friend: well i mean, yeah i want things to work out obviously then im going to pray that they work out but at the same time if they dont then i pray that God would work through everything. i just really hate right now with having the left over feelings that i cant get rid of.
Abby Anderson: Yeah. I understand that.
My friend: idk. i just also have some stupid thing in the back of my head that just says “wait.
Not sure for what though. or its just my own self saying wait or actually God
Abby Anderson: Yeah. I understand that sometimes it’s so hard to differentiate between God or your desires. Idk what to say other than to just immerse yourself in God. That’s what I’ve found to be my solitude.When you fall so deep into the love of God, your “earthly” desires seem to just… dissipate. And I know that sounds so cliche, and about 2 weeks ago, I would’ve scoffed at anyone who said that. But I’m experiencing that right now.
My friend:. it just sucks when you see other people being in a relationship and they are happy and you cant feel that happiness from them. or when you try and do other plans they always come up with the whole, “o i have plans with my bf/gf for the evening.” it just sucks sometimes cuz i feel now out of my group that im that 3rd,5th,7th wheel sometimes
Abby Anderson: I know that feeling. That’s how I’ve spent most of my teenage life. But pray for that longing to cease and for your longing for God to increase.
I look over this conversation, and I see a completely different person. God’s working through me in ways I couldn’t even fathom. I am in awe as to how He’s changed my perspective on life in such a short amount of time. I am so thankful for what He’s doing now, and what I know He’ll do in the days, weeks, and months to come!
You’re beautiful. 🙂